Iddat....

I am not sure if most know the meaning of the word "Iddat". 'Iddat' is a waiting period ordained in Islam for women who are widowed, or are divorced, to ensure that she is not carrying in her womb any baby from her previous marriage. So that there won't be any room for dispute should she get another baby through her new marriage or relationship. It is means a period  of waiting  without committing intercourse .

I have always been influenced by Islamic practices , to understand the religion and people better. Iddat is simple, it has an open and shut view of relationships. In this complex world , wherein emotions run like water colour, one dominating the other ,this seemed so plain . Does iddat help you forget the history , the moments, the magic and the spark. Should these moments have a shelf life ? I have concluded that if a man lives like a newspaper ,for the day, he possibly lives  a happier life. Some old days, some memories were scratched a few days back and it started to bleed. Open wounds either heel or get worse. each night I would scratch it again,unaware of pain it may cause.

My emotional landscape is not flat, it is layered. One layer is separated by another by a thin moment. Some days, the layers become permeable,some days they are so thick that I can smile all day and act like a child. Beeji used to say , people who relish walnut forget that it has a shell which needs to be broken, the lighter shell inside needs to be dusted and all of this may not be sweet....

I wasn't two dimensional ever. Every pain, every year created one more layer. I shouldn't expect that anyone can see all layers.

Another strange feeling is that of numbness , more numb than I ever was to pain. The antidote was in my blood stream always, I just let it flow.
The resolve to defend myself has terminated itself. Silence and Solitude was destined ,why do i fight destiny...

कुछ तो हवा भी सर्द थी कुछ था तेरा ख़याल भी,दिल को ख़ुशी के साथ साथ होता रहा मलाल भी..
बात वो आधी रात की रात वो पूरे चाँद की,चाँद भी ऐन चेत का उस पे तेरा जमाल भी...
सब से नज़र बचा के वो मुझ को ऐसे देखते,एक दफ़ा तो रुक गई गर्दिश-ए-माह-ओ-साल भी...
दिल तो चमक सकेगा क्या फिर भी तराश के देख लो,शीशागरान-ए-शहर के हाथ का ये कमाल भी...
उस को न पा सके थे जब दिल का अजीब हाल था,अब जो पलट के देखिये बात थी कुछ मुहाल भी...
मेरी तलब था एक शख़्स वो जो नहीं मिला तो फिर,हाथ दुआ से यूँ गिरा भूल गया सवाल भी...
शाम की नासमझ हवा पूछ रही है इक पता ,मौज-ए-हवा-ए-कू-ए-यार कुछ तो मेरा ख़याल भी
उस के ही बाज़ूओं में और उस को ही सोचते रहे,जिस्म की ख़्वाहिशों पे थे रूह के और जाल भी