Semi Sachha Soul

I started writing this blog 12 years ago and found time and content for a few years regularly. I posted my last blog on December 30th last year and this one took one long year to graduate from sticky notes, Voice notes to myself, and the few WhatsApp chats I send to myself. Today's blog is about five intrusive and persistent compulsive thoughts, They are a concoction of the key takeaways of this 3 year-long journey of self-introspection and my obsession with being vocally self-critical. All of us at some stage of life say "I wish I had known this sooner", writing down all this in my blog often serves me as an "Emotional Almanac" but for a few folks who follow my writings, it could trigger the same thought. All lanes of thought are not clearly segregated, they are in their natural flow, just like traffic in India :)

Yutori - Learn to find "Fursat"   One of the key things I learned in the last three years is that I wish I had discovered the Science and Art of "Slowing down". Right from the time,  we are 3 years old, we follow the school calendar and then formal education, then work, our bodies are programmed to a Monday to Friday Schedule, even a yearly one with seasons and holidays, we are slaves of an undocumented calendar and itinerary. Yutori is a Japanese concept that emphasizes creating space for relaxation, creativity, and well-being. I had almost 10 months where I learned why pauses are so important, to reflect prospectively and retrospectively on the journey. Just take the clock out, I used to start reading or listening to Ghazals/Podcasts at 11 pm and get some sleep when I would be fatigued. Our bodies don't know pauses too well, even on holidays, we follow a schedule, check in & check out breakfast time, and flight or drive time. The science is about planning the pauses, financially, intellectually, and emotionally. The pause is all that's needed. Do nothing, Reflect, introspect, and Relish. I wish I had learned the art of Yutori sooner. I feel that the coded cycle of life, education for the first 20-25 years and then work for another 25-40 years and then await fading away, needs to have the important "Gap Years" factored in. Imagine if companies had that, schools had that and life gave you this time to travel. I sometimes wonder if the people who die suddenly had one last chance for a smoke, a single malt, a date with an old beloved, or a hug with their children. A few years ago,  I had started a poetry masterclass and I named it Fursat, I firmly believe it's not the brand of phone that matters, it's the quality of "Fursat" that matters. We are so consumed in the production & Consumption cycle that we barely distance away from our "work" which is the identity that we carry. There is one incident I will never forget, when I used to conduct "Fursat" in Bangalore, in one event I noticed that most of the listeners were like a group. It turned out that they were master of surgery students primarily from Kerela. I asked them what brought them to Urdu to Hindi/English transliteration class and a girl answered "24/7, I am a doctor but here I am just a Ghazal lover".   Pause before you cease. Find Fursat! 

Jaun Aliya , my favourite poet had written - मैं तुम्हारे ही दम से ज़िंदा हूँ , मर ही जाऊँ,  जो  तुम से फ़ुर्सत हो ! 

We are amusing ourselves to death: 40 years ago, Neil Postman wrote a book called "Amusing Ourselves to Death". In the last three years, the one thing I realized is that I am an "anti-entertainment" person.  I have Zero interest in cricket, movies, TV, Comedy, or Social Media.  I can't recollect ever a time post-1994 when I wanted to watch a movie or a series. Most movies I have relished have been on an airline entertainment system on a transatlantic flight, probably mostly Malayalam movies, just because they have a story to tell without the larger-than-life facade. In the point above, I mentioned that mankind is a slave of the production and consumption cycle, I can say now mankind is now a slave of the production, consumption, and entertainment cycle. Think of this, people work 5 days to get drunk on the 6th day, get distracted by a series designed to trigger dopamine (or other hormones ), possess more things to provide validation to the fake sense of "success" and dress to create a heightened sense of sensory appeal. There are two big threats to the continuation of human evolution, one is Synthetic Opioids and the other is social media. We have become too obsessed with the camera, the external validation, and validating others by likes and hearts. The second is moving away from the moment by taking a picture or watching a sunset high on alcohol. When I was in my mid-twenties, my Nanajee used to live in Haridwar, right opposite his house was Ganga in its natural flow and I would find often that people would simply sit there, not talk,  just watching the moment. Try and find a human around you who is not high on caffeine, or on nicotine, or any distraction and can have a few hours of good human interaction. I often think I am wrong and a very odd one out, I have so much melancholy inside me that I start my day with Mantras and listen to Jagjit or Satinder Sartaj or Poetry by Faraz or a podcast on Nietzsche. Even music listening, these days has become a Mob activity, I can't connect with the fact that people want to attend a live music concert like a Mob. Social Media in my view is diminishing our ability to think critically, mankind is becoming a 'visual thinker" and not a critical thinker. Sadly I can't even laugh at 95% of comedy. We all want to "Shine"  and not "Reflect". Mankind is on top of the food chain but still behaves like the most insecure animal, breeds more animals every year to kill and eat, locks them in cages to showcase its power and despite its propaganda of compassion, it creates more means to harm more animals every year. The one example I often tell myself is that of a lion, Lion doesn't Roar every day on Instagram to attract likes and does not concern himself with the opinion of the sheep or the laughter of the Hyena. It doesn't roar after a kill or seek a selfie! Don't animals seem more evolved than us, they have no need for external validation.  Born a Leo, I can say that Lions are lonely, by design and by practice. They seek no entertainment, they pursue their purpose in silence! A couplet that sums up this point and our self-obsession and its validation is now entertainment.

मैं ख़ुद ही अपनी तलाश में हूँ , मेरा कोई रहनुमा नहीं है, वो क्या दिखाएंगे राह मुझको जिन्हें ख़ुद अपना पता नही है !
दिल आईना है, तुम अपनी सूरत, सँवार लो और ख़ुद ही देखो, जो नुक्स होगा दिखाई देगा ये बेज़ुबाँ बोलता नहीं है !

Nostalgia is a dirty compulsive liar: I am not sure who wrote this and where I read it or heard it. I just noted it down. Most times whatever is profound and philosophical doesn't connect with you immediately, it connects with you when that phenomenon manifests itself. I spent the first part of 2024 in Delhi NCR. The fact is I haven't technically lived outside of Delhi NCR more than I have. I thought it would come naturally to me, I know the language, the people, the roads, the food, and the landmarks. Just on the contrary, the 8 months I spent in Gurgaon proved to me that we are evolving in a non-linear fashion. Human memory is selective and often we choose to recollect the most convenient part and selfishly so. The city and the place evolve and we often forget that we are a small most insignificant cog in the wheel of the time. I had become so very unlike my place of birth.  In India, Delhi NCR has the most pornographic display of ego and wealth, has a suffocating self-obsession, and an unbearable civic sense. Every passing day of my stay in NCR made my conviction stronger that I am an animal of a different natural habitat. One of the things, I hate about myself is that I kept loose strings with my past, in people and decisions. I had practiced a term called "Surgical Cut" that if you cut chords, cut them with surgical precision, like an umbilical cord and let go. My relationship with my city of birth was just like that. It had some loose strings and this year I learned to make clean surgical cuts! Cut it and Move on. There is a term in Urdu called "Maaziparasti" it's the love and obsession of the past.  We all knowingly and unknowingly suffer from Maaziparasti! 

Gulzar wrote this couplet, Jagjit Sang it and it hits you when it hits you ....

यादों की बौछारों से जब पलकें भीगने लगती हैं, सोंधी सोंधी लगती है तब माज़ी की रुस्वाई भी !

anyway, this is a big lesson I wish I had learned sooner in life. 

माज़ी-ए-मरहूम की नाकामियों का ज़िक्र छोड़, ज़िंदगी की फ़ुर्सत-ए-बाक़ी से कोई काम ले !

Social Noise Cancellation Headphones:  I could classify myself as an Audiophile, someone who loves the Science and Art of reproduction of music, the equipment, and the usage of it. Many years ago I fell in love with Bose. These are the few passions I guess I have. Bose introduced me to Noise Cancellation Technology and I read and study it every year, essentially it cancels any outside and virtually transports you to an environment where you can hear notes, every chord, every sur distinctly. It's a bad habit but the "thing" closest to me are my earbuds, I almost live with them. In the last three years, I realized that it's not just the Noise of sounds that we need to cut off from it is also the energies around us, the discussions around us, and the social and Political narratives around us that we need Noise Cancellation from. I don't attend weddings or large functions or attend parties or noisy places. Recently I realized there is a term for it, ochlophobia. It's fear of Crowds. We are a Noisy and Opinionated race (Punjabis especially ), the more focussed you will be the finer notes and chords like in music, the more you cancel social noise, and you will be able to focus on your pursuits. Build a Bose-like Social noise Cancellation Headphone and keep focused, keep walking! 

Yeh Kaun Chitrakaar Hai: in 1967, 3 years before I was born, V Shanataram produced a movie called Boond jo Ban Gaye Moti, Bharat Vyas wrote a song and  Satish Bhatia composed Music for this song, probably Jeetendra's early days in movies. The song is called Yeh Kaun Chitrakaar hai, this song used to play on the radio when we used to get ready for school in the morning or randomly. I don't why but I memorized the lyrics by the time I was 12. It took me 40 years to realize that this is a song about Divinity. I use an expression often " There is nothing called Serendepity, its divine play in disguise ". This seems to be derived from a Sanskrit quote -  सर्वस्यापि भवेद्धेतुः, Whatever happens has a reason behind it. I can classify myself as a Seeker, I have no doubt that mankind despite its tall claim of evolution knows so where little of how the universe works. When we see the events around us, do they all connect the dots purely on rationality? No, is my answer so far, unless proven otherwise.  Increasingly I know that we know very little.  That we know what we know and there is so much we don't know. There has to be an almighty Ishwar or reminded me of "Yeh Kaun Chitrakaar Hai ". In my pursuit as a seeker, the simple purpose of my remaining life is to comprehend...Yeh Kaun chitrakaar hai! 

One human life is too short to find the Chitrakaar! 

Some lyrics from that song. I am a Semi Saccha Soul and do notice the last line of this song ... कौन चित्रकार है ये कौन चित्रकार

कुदरत की इस पवित्रता को तुम निहार लो, इनके गुणों को अपने मन में तुम उतार लो

चमका दो आज लालिमा अपने ललाट की, कण कण से झाँकती तुम्हें छवि  विराट की

अपनी तो आँख एक है,  इसकी हज़ार है, ये कौन चित्रकार है...... ये कौन चित्रकार........

Today's music insert is a rare Ghazal I found and preserved!